Why the butt?

According to Discover Magazine (I still read it even though it's not delivered to me!), the fact that you have a nice cushion to sit on, even if you're in a room with no furniture and a hard floor has to do with running. Yes. Running. That's why the gluteus is so maximus.

The article says that humans (ideally. This does not include your run-of-the-mill stockbroker, however big an economic predator he/she is) have evolved to give every other land animal a run for their 'money' (hey my Wall Street example was inadvertently literarily appropriate!) Anyway, our leg tendons, sweat glands and believe it or not, our necks and butts are all running enhancements.

How, you ask? Apparently the fact that we don't have tails sucks for running. So, we instead have a more active balancing option, i.e. a muscle that goes off just at the point in our steps when we should fall over. Tendons are apparently useless for walking, springy as they are, and if we had necks like chimps, we'd do well hanging from trees but the shoulder swinging sprint stuff would be beyond us.

Why, in a world of horses, cheetahs and pogo-stick-legged antelopes is it possible that we could have the audacity to think we're the better runners? It's all about hot bodies. No, we don't kill them by excessive and intolerable preening and vanity. Instead (given Kalahari desert-like temperatures, not Purple Mountain snow), there are actually tribes (e.g. Kalahari Bushmen) that run down prey like kudu. Process: Wait till it's really hot, then fill that gut with water and run till your target is overheated. Spear time!

No, I don't think you should get out on the turf club and put a one grand wager on yourself. I said 'endurance running'. Maybe if you're in the Llanwrtyd Wells Man vs. Horse Marathon, where people literally race horses, and a two-legged runner won in 2004 (first time). To be fair, the horses were carrying passengers. Ah well. Welsh people. (The author knows very well that at least one person of Welsh heritage reads this. He thinks that person will forgive him.)

I think I ought to start working on that evolutionary muscle of mine. Need stamina for the fencing tournament (YAY!) on the 29th!